The intimacy of touch. One of my earliest childhood memories is lying on the couch with my head in my mother’s lap while a violent thunderstorm rolled through. I was scared. Mom began stroking my hair and her gentle touch calmed me. It made me feel safe and loved. This weekend, cutting my mother’s hair, I remembered that time. We caregivers often perform intimate tasks. … [Read more...]
Three Things I’ve Learned as My Parents’ Caregiver.
None of them have anything to do with medicine. When I tell my caregiver story, I always start when dad was first hospitalized. That was when I was hit with being fully responsible for mom. I would lie in bed at night thinking, “Where do I start?” “What do I do next?”. What I’ve realized: 1. My caregiver role started way before I recognized it. It started when I made the … [Read more...]
A Different Type Of Grief – Why Do I Feel Like I’m losing Dad All Over Again?
It is five years since dad died and I'm finding it hard to remember our life together. I wrote this article two years ago when grief took an unexpected twist. On the 5th anniversary of dad's passing, grief has changed again. I can't believe he is gone five years already. It seems longer and at the same time it seems like yesterday. In the busyness of everyday I'm having a hard … [Read more...]
When Talking to Aging Parents – Choose Your Words Carefully
"Mom, don't you remember?" I have years of conditioning to my mother’s communication style. Mom thinks about things deeply, questions everything, and like all of us, makes assumptions. Her thought process often ends up with her having a fight with you in her head. Suddenly she is mad, and you have no idea why. Or she is thinking about something and will ask you a question that … [Read more...]
How Can Family Help Seniors Adjust to Assisted Living?
Moving to an assisted living facility, even when voluntary, can be hard for your senior. How can family members help loved ones adjust to assisted living? It is the question I put to Jennifer Sallis, who lived 1,000 miles from her mom, and still helped her to adjust. (Jump to Lessons Learned) I never met Carol Sallis, but Jennifer paints a joyous picture of her mother. … [Read more...]