When your head knows it’s the right decision, but your heart is breaking. One of my promises to myself when I became mom’s caregiver is that I would never promise her anything unless I was 100% sure I could deliver. It is why I never promised her I could always keep her in our family home. My expectation was that at some point she would need to be in a wheelchair and, given … [Read more...]
Thank You. Two Words That Mean The World To A Caregiver.
“Caregiving is hard, even on the good days when it brings happiness. It requires commitment, dedication, determination and time.” First Lady Rosalynn Carter As someone who has been a family caregiver for seven years, there has been a marked increase this last year in the number of hours mom needs hands-on care and that is on top of keeping her safe in the middle of a … [Read more...]
Language Matters in Caregiving.
That includes what we tell ourselves. If you know my work, you know how much I object to the term “Parenting Your Parents.” I object because language carries intent and bias and we don’t even realize it. The words we use to describe caregiving, our care partner and ourselves create our truth as caregivers. When caregiving is about parenting your parents, without even … [Read more...]
When your elder has full capacity and you don’t agree with their choices.
The good, the bad and the ugly. The good. Your parent has full capacity. This gives you the opportunity to co-create a team approach to caregiving through conversations and setting boundaries. The bad. Over time, confrontational conversations can cause broken relationships. Conversations contribute to the disintegration of the relationship when they are not done using … [Read more...]
Connect with Your Elder Through Family Stories. A Project for 2020.
Your elder had a full and rich life before becoming a parent and grandparent. Mom and I hosted Christmas Eve this year and it was lovely. Eleven cousins gathered around our table. We reminisced about my grandfather and their grandmother who were siblings. We vowed that this would be the year we got together and made homemade ravioli from the family recipe. The youngest are in … [Read more...]