That includes what we tell ourselves. If you know my work, you know how much I object to the term “Parenting Your Parents.” I object because language carries intent and bias and we don’t even realize it. The words we use to describe caregiving, our care partner and ourselves create our truth as caregivers. When caregiving is about parenting your parents, without even … [Read more...]
When your elder has full capacity and you don’t agree with their choices.
The good, the bad and the ugly. The good. Your parent has full capacity. This gives you the opportunity to co-create a team approach to caregiving through conversations and setting boundaries. The bad. Over time, confrontational conversations can cause broken relationships. Conversations contribute to the disintegration of the relationship when they are not done using … [Read more...]
Connect with Your Elder Through Family Stories. A Project for 2020.
Your elder had a full and rich life before becoming a parent and grandparent. Mom and I hosted Christmas Eve this year and it was lovely. Eleven cousins gathered around our table. We reminisced about my grandfather and their grandmother who were siblings. We vowed that this would be the year we got together and made homemade ravioli from the family recipe. The youngest are in … [Read more...]
“Old Ain’t Dead” Gramps
We don’t give our elders enough credit. Gramps was mom’s dad. An active, debonair ladies’ man, who buried two wives and a girlfriend during his 91 years. And by example, he taught me some important life lessons. Let me tell you a story about my grandfather that makes me smile and sums him up well. The last years of his life he lived in cooperative affordable housing near … [Read more...]
Confessions of a Cranky Caregiver
It happens and I have to own it. Typically, I’m a glass-half full person, able to let many things roll off my back. Until I can’t. Then I get cranky. By the way, being cranky isn’t a bad thing, we all have those moments (or days). But my attitude affects mom’s attitude, and it can turn into a downward spiral quickly if we’re not careful. I’ve given a lot of thought to … [Read more...]