Your elder had a full and rich life before becoming a parent and grandparent. Mom and I hosted Christmas Eve this year and it was lovely. Eleven cousins gathered around our table. We reminisced about my grandfather and their grandmother who were siblings. We vowed that this would be the year we got together and made homemade ravioli from the family recipe. The youngest are in … [Read more...]
“Old Ain’t Dead” Gramps
We don’t give our elders enough credit. Gramps was mom’s dad. An active, debonair ladies’ man, who buried two wives and a girlfriend during his 91 years. And by example, he taught me some important life lessons. Let me tell you a story about my grandfather that makes me smile and sums him up well. The last years of his life he lived in cooperative affordable housing near … [Read more...]
Confessions of a Cranky Caregiver
It happens and I have to own it. Typically, I’m a glass-half full person, able to let many things roll off my back. Until I can’t. Then I get cranky. By the way, being cranky isn’t a bad thing, we all have those moments (or days). But my attitude affects mom’s attitude, and it can turn into a downward spiral quickly if we’re not careful. I’ve given a lot of thought to … [Read more...]
A Different Type Of Grief – Why Do I Feel Like I’m losing Dad All Over Again?
Why can't I remember dad before he got ill? In the ebb and flow of grief, the unexpected new stages amaze me. I didn’t anticipate this third Christmas without dad to be so hard. I dreaded the first and was surprised by the relative ease with which I got through it. Even the second Christmas did not have the all-consuming grief and depression of this one. Maybe it’s because the … [Read more...]
When Talking to Aging Parents – Choose Your Words Carefully
"Mom, don't you remember?" I have years of conditioning to my mother’s communication style. Mom thinks about things deeply, questions everything, and like all of us, makes assumptions. Her thought process often ends up with her having a fight with you in her head. Suddenly she is mad, and you have no idea why. Or she is thinking about something and will ask you a question … [Read more...]